Friday, December 11, 2015

Content to not know

I've spent a lot of time lately hearing about contentment. And a lot about change. I am graduating in 6 days from BJU. I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled:

Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be? 
Flynn Rider: It will be. 
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then? 
Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream. 

Yeah, going to college was my dream. I waited 3.5 years after highschool to go, and the whole time I never knew if I was going to be able to finish it. Most of those closest to me didn't expect me to go, they certainly never expected me to finish. And I'm the first to admit that I doubted often whether or not it was God's will for me to be here. 

But now, I know that it is not His will for me to be here anymore - for now at least. 

Back to my original point, God has being teaching me about being content in change. There are a lot things about my life that are unknowns. How will I afford my apartment, when I don't have a job yet? How will my relationships with others change? I don't want to be the person who gets a degree and then wastes it by never putting it to use. 

As much as I want the security of knowing what is going to happen next, I know one thing for sure. I am secure in the will of God. And He has not shown me the future yet. I've been asked a couple of times 'what's next?' and I don't have an answer. I have a boyfriend, but I'm not engaged like a lot of the other girls graduating, so I'm not planning a wedding. Too many things are moving around for me to know any where close to where I'm planning to be in 5 years. 

So, what do I know? 

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

My head screams that that is not an answer! But it's what my God has chosen to reveal to me. He has shown me what He requires of me: to serve Him with all of my heart in the moment He calls me to live.

When I look back at what He has taught me, He has always provided perfectly for my needs. He has continued to grow me, and turn my heart ever more towards Him (though I often forget the lessons I've learned and need a refresher). He has placed people in my life that have had a huge impact on me. And He allowed me to be used by Him in other's lives. I don't need to be afraid of wasting my degree, because I know that the One Who gave it to me has the prerogative to chose what happens. I know that He has changed me forever because of my time here.

Guess it's time to find a new dream. In the meantime, I'm content with the change.

Because of Him,
Missa

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Just a Puff

Sometimes, life just gets the best of you. If college is supposed to be the best time of my life, then I'm headed for destruction pretty fast.... I run to work, run to class, think about eating and go on a coffee run instead, run (or pretend to at least) to stay fit, and run to Christ every day during chapel.

Summer! Freedom! Lets add in 40+ hours of work, 8 credits of online classes, and training horses on the side (that only lasted as long as I didn't have to write papers for the online class). At least in summer I have enough time to enjoy my coffee while working on homework.

Next week, I will be starting my senior semester at BJU. I'm the weird person who transferred in January and will graduate in December. I can't believe it's here already. All my friends are here - friends who I would classify as more than family. I have a dear church who has continually shown the love and graciousness of Christ (we regularly practice the Baptist sacrament of consuming food).

Since my first week at BJU, I was required for a class to take notes on 50 sermons (which wasn't hard since we have chapel 4 days a week and 2 services on Sunday), so I would write next to the date in my notebook what number each sermon was. I decided to continue this practice even after I had completed the assignment. Tonight, I took notes for sermon #478. In the past 32 months, I have taken notes on all of those sermons (some, I forgot to bring my notebook, so the actual number is a lot higher). I have learned that my God walks on the storms of life, been encouraged to run the race and walk in the Spirit. I know that my life only makes sense when explained by faith and that God desires a life broken and spilled out for Him.

And while I'm huffing and puffing through my college days, I'm reminded that life is just a puff.

Tonight, life has slowed down - a calm before the storm of classes and homework. I drove home tonight after church and all around me I saw clouds. Big puffy storm clouds that just haven't released their burdens on the world. One of the clouds, at just the right angle, looked just like the Sphinx. Yeah, I still imagine pictures in the clouds - don't judge. 15 minutes later, I couldn't really see the cloud from my angle, and it probably changed anyway.

But think about the real Sphinx for a moment. What is it really, but a tribute to another human's puff of a life. Yeah, we have the real limestone statue, but who built it again? According to the all-knowing Google, the best guess is Pharaoh Khafra, but that is only a guess. They don't know for sure. Whoever it was, their life is gone.

One thing I know, however short or long my life may be, it's not likely to linger much longer than that cloud did tonight. Someday, all the burdens will be dropped, all the running will stop. Will I make a greater impact on this world than a pharaoh did with stone?

We have one chance to make this puff worth something. All of those sermons, all of my classes, all of the time spent studying the God of the universe will make a difference. Only He can change the world in a puff. We can simply choose to be part of His plan.

Because of Him,
Missa