Friday, December 11, 2015

Content to not know

I've spent a lot of time lately hearing about contentment. And a lot about change. I am graduating in 6 days from BJU. I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled:

Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be? 
Flynn Rider: It will be. 
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then? 
Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream. 

Yeah, going to college was my dream. I waited 3.5 years after highschool to go, and the whole time I never knew if I was going to be able to finish it. Most of those closest to me didn't expect me to go, they certainly never expected me to finish. And I'm the first to admit that I doubted often whether or not it was God's will for me to be here. 

But now, I know that it is not His will for me to be here anymore - for now at least. 

Back to my original point, God has being teaching me about being content in change. There are a lot things about my life that are unknowns. How will I afford my apartment, when I don't have a job yet? How will my relationships with others change? I don't want to be the person who gets a degree and then wastes it by never putting it to use. 

As much as I want the security of knowing what is going to happen next, I know one thing for sure. I am secure in the will of God. And He has not shown me the future yet. I've been asked a couple of times 'what's next?' and I don't have an answer. I have a boyfriend, but I'm not engaged like a lot of the other girls graduating, so I'm not planning a wedding. Too many things are moving around for me to know any where close to where I'm planning to be in 5 years. 

So, what do I know? 

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

My head screams that that is not an answer! But it's what my God has chosen to reveal to me. He has shown me what He requires of me: to serve Him with all of my heart in the moment He calls me to live.

When I look back at what He has taught me, He has always provided perfectly for my needs. He has continued to grow me, and turn my heart ever more towards Him (though I often forget the lessons I've learned and need a refresher). He has placed people in my life that have had a huge impact on me. And He allowed me to be used by Him in other's lives. I don't need to be afraid of wasting my degree, because I know that the One Who gave it to me has the prerogative to chose what happens. I know that He has changed me forever because of my time here.

Guess it's time to find a new dream. In the meantime, I'm content with the change.

Because of Him,

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