Thoughts on Love from a Marriage Expert

Yes, I am a marriage expert. I have been married for 12 whole days now (give or take a few hours).

No, I don't expect anyone to take me seriously.

2.5 years ago, my darling first told me he liked me. 9 months later, he told me he loved me. And some days I feel like that is all I know about him.

But that's all I need to know.

Oh, I can give you details about his favorite food, hobbies, and what he's studying in college - but you could probably get that out of him too. That's the kind of stuff you find out in a getting to know you conversation.

Maybe the next time you talk, you would ask his dreams and aspirations. He's got them.

But I am his wife. I know he loves me. And he doesn't love you the same way.

I'm very skittish about relationships (I've been burned a few times), and I don't believe people when they tell me they like me. Much less love me. You can say that, but I will immediately build a wall to keep from getting hurt again. And it's not that I like you any less or care about you any less, but I still won't trust you. That's my problem. Not yours. And frankly, I don't expect you to make me trust you. Like I said, my problem.

But for the past 2.5 years, my darling has been proving to me how much he liked me. And how much he loved me. When we first started dating, he couldn't wait to hear from me.We were on other sides of the country writing emails at least every day, if not more. Phone calls often didn't work out because of logistics and timing. I remember being a little uncomfortable with this. He actually wanted to know what I was doing every day. He cared about my classes, my friends, whether I was getting enough sleep. He and I discussed philosophy and our relationship with God.

I already liked him, but now I was falling in love with him. He was wonderful, Godly, sweet, and he cared about me.

But I didn't believe him when after 9 months of 1000+ word emails daily, he told me he loved me. It wasn't my picture perfect moment (but I've come to realize that those really only come in Disney movies). We were Skyping, and I actually didn't understand him when he said it, so I had to ask him to repeat himself, just because that was the last thing I was expecting him to say.

Even though I knew that I loved him, there was a part of me that didn't completely believe what he was saying.

Now, we are 22 months later, and I believe him. The poor guy went through a lot trying to convince me. He repeated himself, wrote letters to me, and just stayed  me. When a lesser man would have gotten frustrated because I was still pushing back, he kept pulling me in.

I considered breaking up with him so many times, but I never once heard that he ever seriously thought about it. He loves me. He wanted me to be the woman who is by his side every single day.

He listened when my day was hard, bought me chocolate to make me fat (jk, but some days are just perfect for a bite or 2 of dark chocolate), and never backed away until he knew that I knew he loved me.

And then he proposed.

But I learned something about him yesterday. He is a very busy man.

We were in between family events and it was a long day after a very long night, when his phone rang. It was something else for him to take care of. Another problem for him to fix.

I knew he was tired, and I was frustrated at the people who were making him tired.

But this is the man I married. A man who will sacrificially serve others. A man who is always busy, but doesn't look like it.

Now, I really know what it took, all those times I just needed to hear his voice say "I love you". All of the times I asked him to go out of his way to spend time with me. All of dating and the long process to marry me.

Now all I know of my husband, is that he loves me.

This reminds me of Christ, our heavenly bridegroom (see Ephesian 5:25) who loved us sacrificially. He died, and gave himself for us, shouting to all ages His love for us. And here we are 2,000 years later, still pushing back. Doubting Him, demanding He cater to our needs, and pushing back on spending time with Him because we don't understand His love. We have pages upon pages of His letter to us.

How have we made it this long without seeing Him for Who He truly is? The One Person Who above and beyond all earthly companions has proved His love for us? Romans 5:8 tells how the love of Christ compelled Him to die for us while we were still sinners and rejecting Him. (See also John 3:16). He died for all, and He specifically loves you.

Seeing this and allowing it to permeate our lives are completely different things. Just like I could hear the words "I love you", and not allow it to affect me. I needed to trust Stephen that his love for me was real. And live my life like it was. I had to say yes to his proposal.

How does Christ's love change our lives? It should change us into His image. We should become like Him.

We should love Him. And respect Him. And give our lives, pledging ourselves only unto Him, till death do us unite.

Because of Him,

Missa

Walk by Faith

I wasn't planning on a theme, but faith comes up once again in my personal devotions and thoughts. In 2 Corinthians 5:7 we have at least one iteration of the phrase "we walk by faith and not by sight." Our eternal existence is based entirely on faith that what we read in a Book written 2000 years ago is true. The way we act displays (or it should) our eternal destination. To put it another way, if this life isn't all there is, then Christians use their time on earth in a different way than unbelievers.

So, assuming the above is true, and everyone reading this is a Christian.... why don't we act like it? No, I am not talking about manners or mannerisms. I am talking about living a life that acts like the God in the Bible is real. He has given so many promises! Matthew 6 talks about how He knows you need food and clothing, and He will take care of you! Deuteronomy 31 says that God will never leave us. This is in the context of fighting a battle! If God is on your side in any battle, you know the outcome. The same concept of His presence is also in Hebrews 13:5. This promise is to reassure us as His children, and to turn our eyes away from lusting and coveting.

Earlier in Hebrews, God gives us a list of people who lived by faith. They acted out and spoke about what they knew to be true about God. And what they did was pretty crazy. Noah built an ark for 100 years, and no one outside his family believed him enough to even get on the boat just in case. Abraham left the protection of his family clan to travel to a place that he didn't know. And God didn't tell him where he was going, He just told him to walk. Imagine trying to explain that to your relatives.

But God knew what He was doing. He had a plan that was bigger than what made sense. He wanted to redeem all of mankind.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't plan for the future (you can look at Proverbs if you want verses on that), but I would like to say that maybe it's not our future to plan. You can go to school and learn a lot, and end up working for McDonalds the rest of your life because you can't find another job. You can work hard and move up to the top of the corporate ladder, if you want to.

Maybe instead of looking at what makes the most sense financially, it's time to look at what God wants you to do. Work hard, but only as unto God (Colossians 3:22 ff). Decide how to spend your time and resources by faith. Yeah, I mean that we should be praying about everything. And we need to follow Him on whatever path He directs us whenever He directs us.

I've heard some stories about people who were called to be missionaries, and then they never made it for one reason or another, and disaster struck their family. I know that God does chasten His children to get us to where we need to be, but I don't think that happens in every situation. I think we can decide to not follow God's leading, but we will miss out on a reward that is eternal in heaven. Maybe that means that our 401k is not as big as our financial adviser would like it to be. Maybe we don't ever get to have a new car or a big home. This world is not all there is.

Has God asked you to walk?

Because of Him,
Missa

Pray in Faith

Maybe you've seen the movie War Room, maybe every message you've heard lately has reminded you to pray, maybe the state of the country has you turning to God with more questions than He seems to be answering right now. I don't know. For me, though, I have been reminded to pray nearly every day for the past six weeks. Would you believe I still forget all the time?

The reason I forget is because I have requests on my list that are still unanswered. Requests I have been praying about for 4-5 years. I know I'm young, and that might not seem like a lot of time to some of the women who read this, but some of these requests deal with situations that affect me all day every day.

The reason I forget is because I can always find something else that needs to be done now, and I'll make sure to have my quiet time later. I need to make dinner so that it will be ready when my roommate gets back. I need to do laundry because I've been putting it off for too long. I need to spend time with my boyfriend since we've been long distance for a year and a half, and now we are finally living in the same state again.

The reason I forget is because my schedule has been too crazy since I finished school, moved across the country, and started a new job. I haven't even been able to figure out a way to make sure I text everyone I want to stay in touch with on a regular basis.

The reason I forget is because I forget how weak I am. My life doesn't work without God.

I have seen God answer prayer before. Once, when I was 13 or 14, I wanted to go to camp so badly. My parents had sent us when we were in 6th grade to Jr camp and that was all that we could expect. We didn't spend a lot of time away from home without them. I remember asking God to please let me go to camp and provide the money somehow. I had enough to pay for half, and the babysitting business had been slow. I never told my parents about that prayer. I never told anyone. The night before we had to sign up for camp, my mom told me, out of the blue, that they would be willing to pay for half, if I wanted to go to camp that year. That's what God does for a kid!

Three and a half years ago, I wanted to go to college, and I had been asking God for some way to be able to go. He provided a job that allowed me to be able to go.

Last year, I was struggling to get enough to pay my school bill by just working on campus, so I applied for a job off campus. After three tries to get to the interview (we had some beautiful snow days!) I was offered the position at twice what I had been making at BJU. But I didn't have a car, and I knew my friends couldn't drive me to work all the time. I had $1000 and 2 days. God provided a car off of craigslist that actually ran, had low mileage, and still has not needed a major repair.

This past month, I had a roommate set up, but I didn't have a job. God provided a job within 36 hours of arriving in town. With enough to pay my bills and have left overs for fun extra stuff too. And they'll pay for me to get my master's degree. Still thinking about that one ;)

Why don't I pray? Because I forget. God not only provides for me as His beloved child, but He always listens to me. He is the reason I have life! He is the reason I have a purpose. I'm not saying that everything I've ever wanted I got... But everything I have ever needed, I have.

Yes, I sometimes wonder how God will answer those old requests of mine, but I pray in faith knowing that His timing is best, His plan is perfect, and He loves me more than anyone else possibly could.

Because of Him,
Missa

Content to not know

I've spent a lot of time lately hearing about contentment. And a lot about change. I am graduating in 6 days from BJU. I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled:

Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be? 
Flynn Rider: It will be. 
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then? 
Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream. 

Yeah, going to college was my dream. I waited 3.5 years after highschool to go, and the whole time I never knew if I was going to be able to finish it. Most of those closest to me didn't expect me to go, they certainly never expected me to finish. And I'm the first to admit that I doubted often whether or not it was God's will for me to be here. 

But now, I know that it is not His will for me to be here anymore - for now at least. 

Back to my original point, God has being teaching me about being content in change. There are a lot things about my life that are unknowns. How will I afford my apartment, when I don't have a job yet? How will my relationships with others change? I don't want to be the person who gets a degree and then wastes it by never putting it to use. 

As much as I want the security of knowing what is going to happen next, I know one thing for sure. I am secure in the will of God. And He has not shown me the future yet. I've been asked a couple of times 'what's next?' and I don't have an answer. I have a boyfriend, but I'm not engaged like a lot of the other girls graduating, so I'm not planning a wedding. Too many things are moving around for me to know any where close to where I'm planning to be in 5 years. 

So, what do I know? 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

My head screams that that is not an answer! But it's what my God has chosen to reveal to me. He has shown me what He requires of me: to serve Him with all of my heart in the moment He calls me to live.

When I look back at what He has taught me, He has always provided perfectly for my needs. He has continued to grow me, and turn my heart ever more towards Him (though I often forget the lessons I've learned and need a refresher). He has placed people in my life that have had a huge impact on me. And He allowed me to be used by Him in other's lives. I don't need to be afraid of wasting my degree, because I know that the One Who gave it to me has the prerogative to chose what happens. I know that He has changed me forever because of my time here.

Guess it's time to find a new dream. In the meantime, I'm content with the change.

Because of Him,
Missa

Just a Puff

Sometimes, life just gets the best of you. If college is supposed to be the best time of my life, then I'm headed for destruction pretty fast.... I run to work, run to class, think about eating and go on a coffee run instead, run (or pretend to at least) to stay fit, and run to Christ every day during chapel.

Summer! Freedom! Lets add in 40+ hours of work, 8 credits of online classes, and training horses on the side (that only lasted as long as I didn't have to write papers for the online class). At least in summer I have enough time to enjoy my coffee while working on homework.

Next week, I will be starting my senior semester at BJU. I'm the weird person who transferred in January and will graduate in December. I can't believe it's here already. All my friends are here - friends who I would classify as more than family. I have a dear church who has continually shown the love and graciousness of Christ (we regularly practice the Baptist sacrament of consuming food).

Since my first week at BJU, I was required for a class to take notes on 50 sermons (which wasn't hard since we have chapel 4 days a week and 2 services on Sunday), so I would write next to the date in my notebook what number each sermon was. I decided to continue this practice even after I had completed the assignment. Tonight, I took notes for sermon #478. In the past 32 months, I have taken notes on all of those sermons (some, I forgot to bring my notebook, so the actual number is a lot higher). I have learned that my God walks on the storms of life, been encouraged to run the race and walk in the Spirit. I know that my life only makes sense when explained by faith and that God desires a life broken and spilled out for Him.

And while I'm huffing and puffing through my college days, I'm reminded that life is just a puff.

Tonight, life has slowed down - a calm before the storm of classes and homework. I drove home tonight after church and all around me I saw clouds. Big puffy storm clouds that just haven't released their burdens on the world. One of the clouds, at just the right angle, looked just like the Sphinx. Yeah, I still imagine pictures in the clouds - don't judge. 15 minutes later, I couldn't really see the cloud from my angle, and it probably changed anyway.

But think about the real Sphinx for a moment. What is it really, but a tribute to another human's puff of a life. Yeah, we have the real limestone statue, but who built it again? According to the all-knowing Google, the best guess is Pharaoh Khafra, but that is only a guess. They don't know for sure. Whoever it was, their life is gone.

One thing I know, however short or long my life may be, it's not likely to linger much longer than that cloud did tonight. Someday, all the burdens will be dropped, all the running will stop. Will I make a greater impact on this world than a pharaoh did with stone?

We have one chance to make this puff worth something. All of those sermons, all of my classes, all of the time spent studying the God of the universe will make a difference. Only He can change the world in a puff. We can simply choose to be part of His plan.

Because of Him,
Missa

It's 7:15 am and my coffee is already cold

Good morning! Doesn't that sound like a cheery message? But that really is how my life is going right now.

This past week I have been fairly sick... worse than I've been for a really long time. Basically for the last four days I've slept and emerged only enough to get food and go to chapel and required work meetings. My poor chapel buddies must think I have the plague. I've skipped classes and church. Today, I decided that I could not afford to be sick any longer. But that means that I had to get up with enough time to go to breakfast and make it to the student center by 7:15 to open. Luckily, my body decided that 4 am would be a great time to decide that I didn't need to breath, so I woke up to keep myself alive, and kinda just dozed for another two hours.

Why am I telling you this? Do I really just want sympathy or a hot cup of coffee? Not really.

Have you ever thought about how dependent on God we are? Sure, we've all heard the cliches that we're not guaranteed another breath, but does that really sink in? How about that God allowed you to wake up this morning? Our bodies are moving, breathing, functioning by the sustaining power of God.

This morning, I was nearly in tears trying to get going and unlocking all of the doors in the student center... I couldn't find sugar in the dining common, so I knew that my coffee was going to taste weird at best, why did I bother to toast my bagel when I knew that it would for sure be cold before I was done with all of my opening duties? Why did I have to be the one who was working insanely early hours after a late night?

Grumble, mumble, murmer.

Ladies and gentlemen, this morning, God gave me grace enough to wake up in time to make it to the dining common and get breakfast before I had to work. Last night, my roommate bought me creamer so that I could enjoy my coffee... cold or not. This morning, God gave me a quiet place to study Greek for the test I have this afternoon. Last night, I fell asleep and slept in a longer block than I have for four days. This morning, God allowed me to use the strength He gave me to work a job so that I can pay my school bill. Last night, one of my co-workers had an umbrella, so I didn't have to walk back from the meeting in the rain.

It's 8:45 am, my coffee is almost gone, and my God is still good beyond what I need. He doesn't have to sustain me, but He does. He doesn't have to send people into my life to just do nice things, but He does. He doesn't have to let me have coffee, but He does.

Because of Him,
Missa

Like a Child

Thinking about my camp experience, some stories make me smile more than others. Like when I was eating dinner one night and one of the other girl counselors came up and gave me a hug. My little 8 year old camper asked who that was and then said "wow! She's prettier than you are!"

The same week, I was having a friendly duel with patience. Up to that point of the summer, I had had 15 year olds who at least know the basics of cleaning...Not so with 8 year olds. One of the girls excitedly volunteered the first day to clean the toilet, and obviously I agreed. It is rare to find such passion in one so young....

The whole week, my cabin regularly failed cabin check. It. Was. Bad. I tried getting them up 20 minutes earlier, I showed them how to clean, I cleaned with them without actually doing all of the work for them...

Everyday, though, the girls left the cabin sure that they would win because of how beautiful it was. Saturday morning, I packed all of my little ducks (which is what I had called them all week) and sent them out the door onto their lovely bus. Then I began to really clean. The cabin wasn't destroyed, but it sure did need some work to get it up to passing for my cabin check the next day.

Think about us, as Christians, as 8 year olds serving God. We can try so hard, and we do the best that we can serving God, but our best work is so pathetic, its laughable. We can push ourselves harder and set aside more time to serve Him, go door knocking every Saturday, but ultimately, its no better. You can study up for serving God. I was reading a Jerry Bridges book and got the inspiration for this post. There are so many great books about how to serve God and do everything. Again, though, we're still just 8 year olds trying to clean a cabin.

I get it. You have to let God help you! That's how you succeed at the Christian life! So we work just as hard as we were working before and.... we still fail at cabin inspection.

Here's my point. Just like the cabin didn't pass until I cleaned it, our service for God won't pass until He does it. All of it. I know its not a perfect illustration, especially because God does use us to complete His perfect work, but He always uses us in such a way that, if we really looked at it, we'd realize that none of that was from our own work.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

Live dependant on God's grace and allow Him to work wonders.

Because of Him, 
Missa