Peer dependent. Those two words were the strongest insult of my high school life. No matter what happened, being peer dependent was never something to become.
This phrase is particularly popular among homeschooling families who lean towards a strong family structure. Please don't misunderstand, I am completely for following the Biblical model in regards to families (well in regards to everything, really). I would argue, however, that we are designed by God to be peer, as well as family, dependent.
What is peer dependency? To sum it up, basically it is a strong need for affirmation of one's self from one's peers (those of the same demographic, age, social situation, etc.). Some can take it to the point of an addiction, and often spend their waking hours trying to decide how to best improve one's Facebook persona or other such actions. The solution to such an addiction has been to practice a form of isolation. Or highly controlled exposure. This is when families keep to themselves and when they venture into the world, their friends are those who share identical beliefs. Thus, the children grow up to become exactly what their parents envision them to be.
Question: what happens when these children emerge into the world and are questioned for their beliefs? Most will answer with a response that lacks a Biblical basis and smacks of cultism. I'm not saying this to step on people's toes or be mean. I've been there and I've seen how others respond to me when I reply that way. And then there's the dreaded "friends" question. Do you have any friends? Well certainly! All of us homeschoolers are highly socialized (because we have to disprove that myth) and can list 100 people off the top of our head.
My next question is, is there anyone of those friends who have the knowledge of you or the relationship necessary to confront sin or encourage you to grow spiritually? The level of friendship required for that goes far beyond discussing knitting techniques or even what last Sunday's sermon was about.
If we go back to the original creation account, Eve was created for Adam because "it is not good that the man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18). The rest of the verse proceeds to complete the argument for traditional marriage, but that's not the point. The point is Adam needed another person. Yes, God is all sufficient for everything we need, but He can fulfill those needs through someone else. Part of the argument against peer relationships is because we shouldn't need anyone else besides our immediate family, but that's not true.
Proverbs 27 gives a wealth of information about friends and how to be a friend and what to look for in a friend.... And it's not talking about family. Friends should be willing to rebuke you. Their wounds are faithful, but they also build you up and sharpen you. This passage even rebukes those obnoxious morning people friends!
Ok, people need people, and part of this includes friends who are not family... what's the problem?
Well, the idea of dependency conveys a concept of need. So, if we need friends... does that make us peer dependent?
Like all good things, wisdom is necessary. I fully acknowledge that those of my peer level, early twenty something college students, are not always the most wise. But I also know how far to trust their counsel. I know when they are faithfully wounding me and sharpening me, trying to help me grow. I know that likely there are some decisions and problems that will arise that they will not have the ability to help with. But I also know that they are praying for me, and that intercession is so precious to me.
So, is peer dependency a failure? Or is it the admission of a common weakness wherein God has provided for us?
Monday, March 31, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Bitter Season
Maybe you've noticed something about this blog... I love to take the illustrations from the Bible and see how they actually apply in daily life.
I've been thinking about fruit again. Probably because we really don't get much real fruit in the dining common here at the big Bob, or maybe because I'm really hungry... who wants to study accounting when you can eat?!
Think of a peach. Sweet, succulent, so juicy you don't even really have to bite into it to enjoy its flavor because it can't even contain itself. That peach from the summer that is just AMAZING!
Did you know that it did not always exist in that form? Well duh! A peach has to grow and go through many changes to become the fruit that it is.
What are those changes?
So much has to happen in order to get from a flower bud to get it to a point where it actually resembles fruit.
But I want to point one more thing out. If you eat the fruit when it first appears in a fruit-like state, you will be sadly disappointed.
Every piece of fruit must go through a season of bitterness in order to mature to perfect sweetness.
I'm going to ask you to not think of the definition of bitterness that I normally use on this blog, that of deep anger that festers in your soul and consumes you. But rather think of bitterness as something that is not pleasant in our general vernacular.
Throughout the Bible, we see the theme that suffering is part of our life. Think about Job. He was put through a trial that was beyond what what I can imagine, yet this was part of a divine plan by God. Through the trial, Job's faith was tried and refined. In James 1, we read that we ought to count it all joy when we have these trials and temptations because they are working patience in our life. Our trials bring us from fruit that, while it is there, is yet immature. It is necessary for fruit to mature, not just because we like to eat sweet, ripe fruit, but because of how God designed the tree to reproduce. If the unripe peach were to fall to the ground, it would not be able to grow the seed pit inside of it. That is just how it works. So too, we cannot expect to reproduce our fruit until it reaches some point of maturity.
One other thing I would like to point out. This process of growth through a season of bitterness happens yearly for peach trees. A few weeks ago, I would love to have thought that I had arrived spiritually. I thought all of my fruit was perfect and I didn't need to grow anymore. The reality is, just like a tree, we don't stop growing. At some point, we drop our fruit and start all over.
Here's hope, though. From what I have heard from farmers, every year, the fruit is better then the year before. This is because not only does the fruit go through a process of maturing, but also the tree itself. As we grow spiritually, we don't really have moments when we drop all the back to where we were before we were saved, but we have moments when we have to grow.
And sometimes, that means going through a bitter season.
Because of Him,
Missa
I've been thinking about fruit again. Probably because we really don't get much real fruit in the dining common here at the big Bob, or maybe because I'm really hungry... who wants to study accounting when you can eat?!
Think of a peach. Sweet, succulent, so juicy you don't even really have to bite into it to enjoy its flavor because it can't even contain itself. That peach from the summer that is just AMAZING!
Did you know that it did not always exist in that form? Well duh! A peach has to grow and go through many changes to become the fruit that it is.
What are those changes?
So much has to happen in order to get from a flower bud to get it to a point where it actually resembles fruit.
But I want to point one more thing out. If you eat the fruit when it first appears in a fruit-like state, you will be sadly disappointed.
Every piece of fruit must go through a season of bitterness in order to mature to perfect sweetness.
I'm going to ask you to not think of the definition of bitterness that I normally use on this blog, that of deep anger that festers in your soul and consumes you. But rather think of bitterness as something that is not pleasant in our general vernacular.
Throughout the Bible, we see the theme that suffering is part of our life. Think about Job. He was put through a trial that was beyond what what I can imagine, yet this was part of a divine plan by God. Through the trial, Job's faith was tried and refined. In James 1, we read that we ought to count it all joy when we have these trials and temptations because they are working patience in our life. Our trials bring us from fruit that, while it is there, is yet immature. It is necessary for fruit to mature, not just because we like to eat sweet, ripe fruit, but because of how God designed the tree to reproduce. If the unripe peach were to fall to the ground, it would not be able to grow the seed pit inside of it. That is just how it works. So too, we cannot expect to reproduce our fruit until it reaches some point of maturity.
One other thing I would like to point out. This process of growth through a season of bitterness happens yearly for peach trees. A few weeks ago, I would love to have thought that I had arrived spiritually. I thought all of my fruit was perfect and I didn't need to grow anymore. The reality is, just like a tree, we don't stop growing. At some point, we drop our fruit and start all over.
Here's hope, though. From what I have heard from farmers, every year, the fruit is better then the year before. This is because not only does the fruit go through a process of maturing, but also the tree itself. As we grow spiritually, we don't really have moments when we drop all the back to where we were before we were saved, but we have moments when we have to grow.
And sometimes, that means going through a bitter season.
Because of Him,
Missa
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Expensive, But Totally Worth It
What is the most expensive thing you can think of? A Lamborghini? Jewels? Houses?
What makes something expensive? Is is merely the intrinsic worth of an item, or does sentimental value play into it?
If somebody were to try and buy either of the following two items, which would be more expensive?
A Ferrari or
Christmas morning
Wait, you can't buy Christmas. It's a day.
Ok, play along with me. If someone could buy and sell a day, would you give it up for a million dollars? Maybe if it were just any day... but what about Christmas day? Hot chocolate or coffee, a crackling fire, a five year old understanding how much fun it is to give mommy a gift, singing Christmas carols while preparing dinner, peace, quiet, time with those you love and who love you....
So, there you have it. Most people who have that wouldn't sell that morning for the world. Those who don't have that would give the world to get it.
But there is something else that costs so much.... and yet it is totally worth it.
Forgiveness
I was studying for one of my Bible classes this past weekend and there was a chapter in the textbook on forgiveness. I thought I knew it all. But I didn't. One thing I had never heard was this: forgiveness always has a cost. A very high cost in some cases.
Think about being forgiven for your sins. The only thing that can pay for sins is death. Christ gave up His life to make that payment for you. But think about when you ask God to forgive you for your sins. Does He ask you to pay for them?
No. They've been paid for. He absorbed the cost Himself. Through giving up His Son to death because of our sin, the penalty was paid, but He doesn't demand restitution for the loss He suffered. He gives forgiveness to all who ask.
Notice I don't say say to everyone. Only those who ask. We have to ask for forgiveness for it to be given. True, the offended party can overlook the wrong and not develop bitterness or anger over it, but that is not forgiveness. Someone has to pay the price for the wrong (not the ultimate price, but the immediate inter-relational price).
If someone dents your car, is it forgiveness to ask them to pay to fix the dent?
No. That is justice. That is right. That is perfectly acceptable. But it is not forgiveness.
Forgiveness is paying to fix the dent yourself.
Why would anyone want to do that??? Well, because maybe the other person can never possibly be able to make restitution for the damage.
And what happens if no one ever pays to fix the damage? Well...
It stays.
Expensive? Yeah...
Worth it?
Well, you tell me.
Because of Him,
Missa
What makes something expensive? Is is merely the intrinsic worth of an item, or does sentimental value play into it?
If somebody were to try and buy either of the following two items, which would be more expensive?
A Ferrari or
Christmas morning
Wait, you can't buy Christmas. It's a day.
Ok, play along with me. If someone could buy and sell a day, would you give it up for a million dollars? Maybe if it were just any day... but what about Christmas day? Hot chocolate or coffee, a crackling fire, a five year old understanding how much fun it is to give mommy a gift, singing Christmas carols while preparing dinner, peace, quiet, time with those you love and who love you....
So, there you have it. Most people who have that wouldn't sell that morning for the world. Those who don't have that would give the world to get it.
But there is something else that costs so much.... and yet it is totally worth it.
Forgiveness
I was studying for one of my Bible classes this past weekend and there was a chapter in the textbook on forgiveness. I thought I knew it all. But I didn't. One thing I had never heard was this: forgiveness always has a cost. A very high cost in some cases.
Think about being forgiven for your sins. The only thing that can pay for sins is death. Christ gave up His life to make that payment for you. But think about when you ask God to forgive you for your sins. Does He ask you to pay for them?
No. They've been paid for. He absorbed the cost Himself. Through giving up His Son to death because of our sin, the penalty was paid, but He doesn't demand restitution for the loss He suffered. He gives forgiveness to all who ask.
Notice I don't say say to everyone. Only those who ask. We have to ask for forgiveness for it to be given. True, the offended party can overlook the wrong and not develop bitterness or anger over it, but that is not forgiveness. Someone has to pay the price for the wrong (not the ultimate price, but the immediate inter-relational price).
If someone dents your car, is it forgiveness to ask them to pay to fix the dent?
No. That is justice. That is right. That is perfectly acceptable. But it is not forgiveness.
Forgiveness is paying to fix the dent yourself.
Why would anyone want to do that??? Well, because maybe the other person can never possibly be able to make restitution for the damage.
And what happens if no one ever pays to fix the damage? Well...
It stays.
Expensive? Yeah...
Worth it?
Well, you tell me.
Because of Him,
Missa
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Empty
Three things I have learned from going to college full time:
So I'm kinda joking a bit, but sometimes that is how it seems. And talking to those who are older than me, it sounds like it doesn't actually get better the older you get - you just don't have as much energy to do more things.
Have you ever thought about the fact that God doesn't get tired? Well,duh! Who else would be listening to our prayers at 2 am when we're working on our paper and the computer dies?
No, seriously. Our God is never weary, never weighed down by the cares of life, never sleeps, never faints, never even takes His eyes off of us to blink. He is vigilant, faithful, and cares for us more than we do.
On Monday, in chapel, the preacher was reading Isaiah 40. He was really only reading the first part to emphasize the perfect and enduring nature of God's word and the necessity for Bible translation. That afternoon, I was studying for a science test and came across a note I had made about a verse later on in the passage. Then, that evening I was getting ready to go running and was a bit antsy, so I pulled out my Bible again to read the same passage (once I get stuck on something, I have a hard time getting off of it until I have it completely processed in my mind).
The whole passage is speaking about the marvelousness of God and asks twice "Have you not known? Have you not heard?" concerning certain attributes of God. But I want to show one thing to you:
- You can either get an "A" in English or in your favorite class - not both (choose wisely)
- They give away twice as many room job demerits on Friday because nobody works the desk after classes
- You will get very sleepy - really! By the second week of school, you are falling asleep in classes
So I'm kinda joking a bit, but sometimes that is how it seems. And talking to those who are older than me, it sounds like it doesn't actually get better the older you get - you just don't have as much energy to do more things.
Have you ever thought about the fact that God doesn't get tired? Well,duh! Who else would be listening to our prayers at 2 am when we're working on our paper and the computer dies?
No, seriously. Our God is never weary, never weighed down by the cares of life, never sleeps, never faints, never even takes His eyes off of us to blink. He is vigilant, faithful, and cares for us more than we do.
On Monday, in chapel, the preacher was reading Isaiah 40. He was really only reading the first part to emphasize the perfect and enduring nature of God's word and the necessity for Bible translation. That afternoon, I was studying for a science test and came across a note I had made about a verse later on in the passage. Then, that evening I was getting ready to go running and was a bit antsy, so I pulled out my Bible again to read the same passage (once I get stuck on something, I have a hard time getting off of it until I have it completely processed in my mind).
The whole passage is speaking about the marvelousness of God and asks twice "Have you not known? Have you not heard?" concerning certain attributes of God. But I want to show one thing to you:
Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31
Our God is not weary and doesn't faint. That is something that everyone should know and accept. But God is the One that gives us our strength. We are weary. We faint. God renews that which we have lost so that we can run without weariness and walk without fainting.
Another thing I've learned, somewhat recently but this is also just a review lesson for me, is that there are different kinds of weariness. Sometimes it is physical weariness. Without the proper amount of sleep and nutrition, your body wears down faster and faster until you can barely stay awake in chapel at 11, much less pay attention in your 4 pm class.
The second type of weariness is emotional or mental. You can reach a point where you're technically getting enough sleep, but because of just life in general, you are weary. And it's not necessarily something bad that happened, but just something that took up a lot of emotion in your day. For me, when I write, especially on this blog, I'm basically putting my devotional journal on here - that just takes a lot out of me. Sometimes it's comforting a friend who is hurting, sometimes it is a moment of complete joy and happiness. Somethings are just emotionally draining.
And then we have Christ. We love as He loved. We give ourselves to others for His glory. And there is always enough grace to make it through one more day.
I can tell you that there have been times this semester that I have gotten up before 5 and didn't fall asleep until after 2. I was completely worn out and was struggling to get the minimum amount of work done (lets not even talk about the "extras" of studying). But daily I found that He gave me energy to make it through. He gave it by different ways - a friend to talk to, an encouraging verse, a kind word at work.... But it was Him. He daily filled my life with His strength and then kept topping me off until I reached the end of the day - completely empty, but looking forward to the next day to glorify Him in His strength.
Because of Him,
Missa
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Suntanned
During prayer group this week, we were reading a prayer letter from a missionary in Antigua who told the story of a man who did not want to get saved until he had had his fun. This unsaved man know that to be a Christian meant a radically different life from that of the world. That is what being a Christian is.
If you look at American Christianity throughout history, there has been a dramatic progression from having a noticeably different lifestyle to just blending into a crowd. This is due, not to a lack of true regeneration, but to a blurring of the line of what is good and what is bad. There is now what is called "a gray area" of "not that bad". Why is "not that bad" acceptable? What is the "that" that we are comparing our actions/words/entertainment choices on?
When you are first exposed to the sun at the beginning of the summer what happens? Initially, you will get burned. It hurts and you notice it and shy away from it. But sunburns don't last forever. For three months, though, you are being exposed more and more to the burning rays, and yet you don't get burned. You get more and more tan. Eventually, it can get to the point that you don't even see that you are tanned and spending hours outside no longer causes the pain it once did. It's only when you return from your vacation and come in contact with those who worked desk jobs all summer and are still pasty white that you see how far it has gone.
So think of sin in the same way. The first time you heard a curse word or profanity in a movie (and actually knew what it meant) were you surprised? Did it cause a bit of pain? But you were watching the movie with your family or close friend... and they thought it was fine... Or at least they didn't say anything about it.
Fast forward five years. Now you regularly watch movies with "questionable" (sinful) content. But it's only rated PG13! Or maybe even PG... But there is so much worse out there right now. This movie really isn't that bad.
I heard a sermon at camp about David. He was a man after God's own heart, but how was he so? In 1 Samuel 24, twice David sinned. Both times they were things that aren't that bad, and yet it says that his heart smote him. He felt the pain of sin. Instead of excusing it since it wasn't that bad, he repented and did not repeat the sin. In Psalm 101 we find his plan to stay away from sin:
Psalm 101 I will sing of mercy and judgment: unto thee, O LORD, will I sing.
I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.
I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
A froward heart shall depart from me: I will not know a wicked person.
Whoso privily slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer.
Mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me: he that walketh in a perfect way, he shall serve me.
He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.
I will early destroy all the wicked of the land; that I may cut off all wicked doers from the city of the LORD.
Because of Him,
Missa
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Enduring
*The following story is told in first person for dramatic effect ONLY. Any resemblance to people or events living or dead is purely coincidental*
I am very close to someone. I care about them more than anything and do what I can to serve them in sacrificial love. Not necessarily a spouse, but certainly a very close and dear friend. I confide in this person and they confide in me.
And then, one day, I learn that the trust we shared has been broken. This person has been taking my information and using it behind my back to mock me or to damage my reputation.
What am I going to do about it?! This is totally uncalled for, I have done everything for this person! I've served them and they turn around and stick a knife in my back! This is not fair! I shouldn't have to put up with this!
*Deep Breath* Well, maybe this was a one time sin.... Yeah, that's it. I can forgive and forget! Life returns to its placid state.
And it happens again!
Let us say, for the sake of shortening our words, that this cycle happens many times over several years until....
I just don't care anymore. I don't want to love that person anymore.
All right, story time is over. I think, in all honesty, this has happened to a lot of us. We've been betrayed by someone we love. How are you supposed to respond to this? Even when the offense has only happened once, not multiple times, how are we supposed to respond? To be completely honest, I am dealing with something like this right now, as well as watching a conflict like this develop and simmer for several months (years, really). How are we all to respond as Christians?
Someone whom I greatly trust gave this advice: apply 1 Corinthians 13. Isn't it great when God gives us very specific instructions on how to act?
Yeah, well I want to see anyone who can completely apply that passage! "Believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"... Love is really hard! Love is not "when I feel like it" or "when they are always acting in a loving manner towards me" Did you know that we are supposed to even supposed to treat people this way when they are our enemies?! (Matthew 5:43-44)
So, the Bible really is pretty intense on this issue of what true love is. Let's just look at 1 Corinthians 13 in parts:
Charity (Love)...
- Suffereth Long - that means to suffer for a long time (i. e. you don't have a "last straw")
- Is Kind - We went over this in Sunday School today. Kindness is doing something for someone because you care about, whether you want to do it or not
- Envieth Not - You are not jealous of what the other person has that you don't (be it possessions, popularity, or personality)
- Vaunteth Not Itself - Basically it means that your goal is not to be lifted up or promoted by the object of your love. Your goal is actually to lift the other person up.
- Is Not Puffed Up - Don't be proud in a self-glorifying manner. (See the whole book of proverbs)
- Doth Not Behave Itself Unseemly - It knows where the boundaries are and stays well within them
- Seeketh Not Her Own - Look out for the other person, let God worry about Who is taking care of you
- Is Not Easily Provoked - Don't let your buttons get pushed (see "suffereth long")
- Thinketh No Evil - This is a hard one: don't assume that the person who is doing you wrong is actually being malicious. This is a really hard one. Personally, I love to talk issues out - to think out loud. Sometimes I want to have someone with a listening ear. That may be all that the issue is about. True, the other person may be lacking discernment as to who they are confiding in, but we are talking about your response, not their actions.
- Rejoiceth Not In Iniquity, But Rejoiceth In Truth - Don't silently gloat when the other person is falling on their face in sin! Just because you have an issue with them does not mean that the more they stumble the better because that might mean that they will finally get right with God - and you. Anyone who has struggled with sin can tell you that one sin leads to another which leads to another... and the more sin the harder it is to get it all right and taken care of. We should rejoice when we see them doing the right thing! That shows a tenderness towards God and perhaps a leading to restitution
- Beareth All Things - Carry the other person's burdens
- Believeth All Things - When they tell you that they are sorry... believe them
- Hopeth All Things - An old saying is "while there is life, there is hope". It is ok to hope for a restoration!
- Endureth All Things - No matter what happens... you will always still love this person. Period.
Please do not merely change your actions without making a verbal acknowledgment of your wrong! This is very important. When you do not admit your wrong, the other person will not see their need to admit their wrong. You are also dancing on the edge of pride, since you do not see the need to "go to thy brother" (Matthew 5:24) and humble yourself.
Please do not leave this website without reading two other posts of mine, if you have not already done so: Mirror Image and Soul Piercing. Please note, I am not writing to someone else, I am writing this to YOU.
Because of Him,
Missa
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Offending Gospel
Maybe this isn't a post for my regular readers... but it might be. Or maybe this post will just be one to refer to in future discussions. Definitely more practical than philosophical.
Manners matter.
Well, yeah, that's what my mom always said!
But have you ever really thought about what manners are and what their purpose is? Manners are actions or words used to make everyone around you as comfortable and non-distracted as possible. But does this really make a difference to a Christian?
Yup.
When you are having a conversation with someone, do you notice them doing things you were taught weren't polite? For example, as kids, we were not allowed to have our elbows on the table. Now, when I'm eating with someone, if they put their elbows on the table, it distracts me, even if only momentarily. The same goes for chewing gum in church, using language that is crude (not necessarily swearing, just unpleasant words), and cracking knuckles.
The point is, Satan will use whatever he has to to distract people from the Gospel, even bad manners. When someone displays poor manners, they are saying, even unintentionally, that they are the most important person in the room and they don't care what you think.
I've been told that having an attitude of not caring what people think is a good thing, and it probably is. Nevertheless, we must be aware that some actions completely repulse people. Without them, you are not that much at a loss, but your friends may be greatly benefited by them. You will never offend people by your lack of crudity, but rather attract people by your abundance of consideration.
Let me give another example in a slightly different direction. Recently, I was discussing an issue with a friend of mine concerning a recent news story about a boy not being allowed to wear a shirt with a confederate flag to school. While I agreed with the young man about it being an encroachment on our American liberty, I disagree that we should actually protest it, or intentionally wear that symbol (or any other one, for that matter) to make a statement. A common saying in this time is to "wear your heart on your sleeve". Let everyone know all of your opinions and vehemently defend them at all times.
But who are we proclaiming to the World? Ourselves? ... or Christ? In 2 Corinthians 4:5, Paul gives himself as a model for how we should act. We're preaching Christ and Him crucified. Verse 11 talks about living Christ in the flesh. We are living like Christians (little Christs) at the expense of who we are.
Now before you decry my statements as too harsh and impossible... consider this; when you purchase a Mac, you are communicating, in a way, that you want to be associated with that brand. You wear a Superman shirt because he's cool. You are continually preaching something - why must it be something of this World and not of Christ? Live your faith - in what you say, do, and display to those around you (1 Timothy 4:12)
Because of Him,
Missa
Manners matter.
Well, yeah, that's what my mom always said!
But have you ever really thought about what manners are and what their purpose is? Manners are actions or words used to make everyone around you as comfortable and non-distracted as possible. But does this really make a difference to a Christian?
Yup.
When you are having a conversation with someone, do you notice them doing things you were taught weren't polite? For example, as kids, we were not allowed to have our elbows on the table. Now, when I'm eating with someone, if they put their elbows on the table, it distracts me, even if only momentarily. The same goes for chewing gum in church, using language that is crude (not necessarily swearing, just unpleasant words), and cracking knuckles.
The point is, Satan will use whatever he has to to distract people from the Gospel, even bad manners. When someone displays poor manners, they are saying, even unintentionally, that they are the most important person in the room and they don't care what you think.
I've been told that having an attitude of not caring what people think is a good thing, and it probably is. Nevertheless, we must be aware that some actions completely repulse people. Without them, you are not that much at a loss, but your friends may be greatly benefited by them. You will never offend people by your lack of crudity, but rather attract people by your abundance of consideration.
Let me give another example in a slightly different direction. Recently, I was discussing an issue with a friend of mine concerning a recent news story about a boy not being allowed to wear a shirt with a confederate flag to school. While I agreed with the young man about it being an encroachment on our American liberty, I disagree that we should actually protest it, or intentionally wear that symbol (or any other one, for that matter) to make a statement. A common saying in this time is to "wear your heart on your sleeve". Let everyone know all of your opinions and vehemently defend them at all times.
But who are we proclaiming to the World? Ourselves? ... or Christ? In 2 Corinthians 4:5, Paul gives himself as a model for how we should act. We're preaching Christ and Him crucified. Verse 11 talks about living Christ in the flesh. We are living like Christians (little Christs) at the expense of who we are.
Now before you decry my statements as too harsh and impossible... consider this; when you purchase a Mac, you are communicating, in a way, that you want to be associated with that brand. You wear a Superman shirt because he's cool. You are continually preaching something - why must it be something of this World and not of Christ? Live your faith - in what you say, do, and display to those around you (1 Timothy 4:12)
Because of Him,
Missa
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